Snarky TARDIS V: Multitasking
by Hope Meijer
Summary: The wiggling kept him transfixed. [NineRose fluffy humour, JackNine and JackRose hints] Rated for a naughty reference!


_Author's Note: Set after The Doctor Dances because Jack's in it._

* * *

MULTITASKING

* * *

The wiggling kept him transfixed. He was never usually like this, but it was...different. Just sitting there, watching the backside of his companion swaying and bouncing from the momentum of the work under the control panel... 

He was interrupted by a sharp poke in the side as Rose dropped down next to him in the bouncy seat one end of the room.

"Stop daydreaming," she ordered, following his line of sight.

Jack shrugged. "Nice view though. Reminds me of the time we met."

She rolled her eyes and picked up a magazine, flipping through the pages and pretending not to watch exactly what had been holding Jack's interest before she walked in.

Now it's an important fact to note the TARDIS is telepathic, and therefore at that point in time, inside everyone's heads. Although she usually ran 'in the background', so to speak, translating alien languages and generally checking where they were and if they were still alive after having that large misshapen alien they'd just mistaken for a rock chase after them, she could also perform a few other 'tricks of the trade'. One was to soothe nightmares and ensure pleasant dreams; another was to push the subconscious forwards when one of the occupants was concentrating harder than usual on a certain task.

And the Doctor was that current occupant, focusing on his task of attempting to smooth the ride out a bit. What he didn't know was that it had nothing to do with how well the TARDIS performed during 'flight'; it was just her sense of humour and way of telling them she loved them really, but could they please stop all this stomping up and down and get into bed already.

And Rose, being the favourite occupant ("Being a woman and all," Rose grinned. "Yeah, right," Jack snorted, and immediately got an eyeful of oil) was aware of this. And used it to her advantage.

"Doctor?" she called, still reading. Jack yawned and leant back, keeping an ear out for anything of interest.

"Yeah?" came the muffled reply.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Fixing the TARDIS."

"You do know she doesn't need fixing, don't you?"

"Oh. 'K." And carried on working without missing a beat.

After a few more similar exchanges, Jack caught on.

"She's answering for him?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes in thought.

"Nope," Rose replied. "She makes your subconscious answer for you. While your conscious is working on the task at hand, she allows you to talk to others around you by making you respond with whatever you would normally. Only with the Doctor, it's what he would want to say, not what he usually does."

"So if he was going to say 'Oh Rose, I missed you', he would actually say 'Can't hang around all night', and then if the TARDIS was intervening, she'd make him say that he missed you?"

Rose nodded. "Something like that. He doesn't usually remember what he's said, but sometimes either something he's said or I've said will come back to him a few hours later."

So Jack sat and pondered the ways he could get information out of the Doctor.

* * *

"So what did you think of Rose when you first met her?" 

Rose rolled her eyes, pretending to be interested in her magazine.

"I though she was a stupid backward ape like the rest of them," came the reply.

She snorted; Jack miserably failing at trying to cover a laugh with a cough. "He's still a smart-ass even when he's not concentrating."

Jack shrugged, grinning. "Can't help it probably."

"Heard that." The Doctor's shoulders moved, but he stayed where he was.

"I'm sure you did. Now, what would you do if I made a move on you?"

"Depends what you did."

"Bought you a drink?"

"Have to be good enough to either get me drunk or send me to sleep."

"I'd be that boring?"

"You're not exactly a smooth date once people get to know you."

Jack threw a glance to Rose. "Is this the TARDIS talking?"

She smothered a grin. "Both of them. They have similar thoughts..."

"Not like yours," came a muffled voice. The Doctor had moved forwards, further into the console, and now the only things visible were his legs.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

"TARDIS."

She got up and slapped her magazine against the console, glaring at it as she moved past. "Traitor. Now, sorry to cut your amusement short Jack, but I'm going to get some rest."

He shrugged. "I'll see what else I can get out of him."

As she passed the long pair of legs braced on the floor, she reached down and slapped his thigh. "I want to have sex with you on the control room floor."

The Doctor's non-committal; "Okay," was cut short by Jack's shout of laughter.

* * *

Rose was yawning as Jack sauntered into the kitchen, grinning. "What's so funny?" 

"I now know all about humans, Mickey the idiot, various alien races throughout the universe, your drunken exploits, the toaster in the kitchen and have had a four-word lecture on chatting you up."

"What were the words?"

"'Do it and die.'"

* * *

He stepped into the shower, relaxing at the feeling of the warm water washing over his body and wiping the dirt and grime from him. As he closed his eyes and let his mind wander, thankful the TARDIS was finally doing what he wanted her to (for how long, he didn't know), something niggled at the back of his mind. 

Something Rose had said, in the control room...

"She wants to WHAT?"

* * *

A yell of surprise echoed down the corridor as the TARDIS turned the Doctor's shower cold.

* * *

_Author's Note: I know, it's late and crap. Reason for lateness: I was in Holland. Reason for crappiness: I've just watched the last two eps of Dr Who and am seriously depressed. _


End file.
